Ghosts of me.

“The dog days are over, oh,
The dog days are done.
Can you hear the horses?
‘Cause here they come.”

”Dog Days Are Over” by Florence + The Machine

Nightly terrors.

In the stillness of the night, just as sleep envelopes me in its embrace, I am startled awake by the looming presence of a shadowy figure. The nocturnal visits have become a haunting routine, jolting me upright with screams of fear and confusion—my feet and fists unintentionally pounding my husband awake from his deep slumber.

Ever since I can remember, nightmares have been a constant companion in my life. I can still recall the palpable terror that gripped six-year-old me when I awoke to find my bedroom flooded with the ominous presence of the devil looming on every inch of every wall. The images swelled around me, thick and suffocating, and my screams shattered the tranquility of the night. The symphony of fear reverberated through the walls to my mother, who would race into my bedroom, her face etched with worry and confusion—the weight of her concern pressing against me as her arms enfolded me in a desperate attempt to comfort me.

Echoes of the past.

As the shadowy figure fades and my husband slowly drifts back into the sweet slumber from which he was so abruptly awakened, I find myself adrift in the quiet corners of memory. Echoes of my past confront my present, leading me through a labyrinth of conflicting emotions and uncertainty. In the aftermath of these nocturnal battles, as I attempt to reclaim fragments of peace, daylight ushers in a different kind of struggle—one rooted in the waking world but no less profound. Here, amid the routines and responsibilities of daily life, I confront the deeper wounds left by betrayal and heartache.

Road to rediscovery.

I retreat to my sanctuary of introspection, where I find strength and clarity. Where my innermost thoughts, emotions and values serve as a compass toward understanding and realization. I resist the temptation to surrender and rediscover the beauty of my own journey and the resilience of the human spirit. With each sunrise and setback, I am reminded that I have the power to transform pain into wisdom and to find joy in my journey. I emerge renewed and ready to embrace the challenges ahead with grace and fortitude, guided not by the troubling shadows but rather by all the women I used to be.

Scream. Think. Write. Repeat.